anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." ๐ ๐๐ท
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the menโs room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out Iโm married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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