i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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