i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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