I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
