Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
