i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
