My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
