The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
