You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
