i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Everclear isn't food dammit
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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