Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
