Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
BRING THE BAGELS
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize