"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
