He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
