just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
