I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize