I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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