Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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