Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
