I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
