All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
