There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
