the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
