dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
there was a trapeze. enough said
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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