i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
