The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
