At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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