Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize