Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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