her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's not a walk of shame if you run
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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