i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
