It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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