I think im going to throw up on grandma
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
