I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
