So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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