I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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