My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
did i walk over a car last night?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
