He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
