Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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