I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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