Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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