she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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