She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
