I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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