Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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