don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
