worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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