I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
