Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
