shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
