If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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