i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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