how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
