So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize