I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
