My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
