fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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