Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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