i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
