You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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