I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
